so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Randomize
