Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
