i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
