i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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