I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
