Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
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