i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
