It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
