Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
