I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Quick, to the slutcave!
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
