I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
