Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
