whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
