toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
