sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
