Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
