We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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