god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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