I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
