Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
