So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
