I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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