its not stalking. its research.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
