Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
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