And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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