come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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