my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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