When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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