My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
