So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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