tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
