I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
