Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
