I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
