I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
