My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
