That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
