Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Randomize
