2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I could fuck to npr.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
