those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Everyone says I win the strip club
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
