something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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