my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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