i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
