Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
