Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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