we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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