and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
