did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
