I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
