dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
