i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize