So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
