No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I'm too high and old for this...
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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