Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
