he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
