I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
