so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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