I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
