apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize