before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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