How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
