Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
