Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
