Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
