your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
