you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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