I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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