I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
