I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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