found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
