She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
