i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
