I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize