Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
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