goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
