That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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