If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
