You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize