i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
