He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
