Duck Duck Cougar?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
