I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
