saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
