I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
