i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
