guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
