just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize