I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
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