i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
