the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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