I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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