I just cut my nipple shaving
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
