you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize