You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Send help, water and tortillas.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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