I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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