Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
