i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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