...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
