dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
