So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
