I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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