i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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