My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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