You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
