Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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