under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
